“I wish I would have had a doula!” and other things I hear all the time

I talk to a lot of moms, in both my professional life and my personal life. I’ve noticed some patterns worth discussing and some myths worth busting.

“Oh, I wanted to have a doula! But I couldn’t get a midwife.”

This doula loves midwives! However, I pride myself on providing equal support to all families for all births, under all kinds of professional care. I respect doctors and nurses and I work well with everyone.

As your doula I offer many things to you as you birth with your medical team. First, a birth doula can support you in your home through the earlier parts of labour, before you make the trip to the hospital. Next, a doula provides continuous support in your birthing suite until well after your baby is born. No matter what happens and no matter who comes in and out of the room, I’ll be there to comfort and pamper you and to help you focus.

“I kind of wanted a doula but I’m all about that epidural!”

Doulas aren’t just for unmedicated births. It’s a pity to think that this misunderstanding is so widespread that many people who might have loved working with a doula must have decided not to pursue it. I hate to think that anyone has felt indirectly shamed by the idea that doula services apply exclusively to certain types of births.

A doula is not simply a substitute for pain medicine. My goal is to support you in every way I can, no matter how your story unfolds. If your goal is an unmedicated birth I will do everything I can to help you thrive! I’m trained to support clients in any situation and if you use epidural pain medication I’ll be your best friend with all the tips and tricks I have up my sleeve to make you feel calm, confident, and comfortable.

“Ahh you’re a doula, so you had your kids all natural?”

Becoming a doula wasn’t about my own births. At all. It’s not about making sure everyone has the same blissful deliveries I had (for some doulas, this is true) nor is it about avenging my horrible birth experiences (for some doulas, this is true). I’m happy to share with anyone that I  hired a doula for both of my births and both times, it was the best decision I made. Through my experiences I saw the breadth of a doula’s work and the impact a doula has on her clients. I became a doula because I’m passionate about supporting families. I’m good at it, too.

Supporting families as they ride the waves.

“Oh you’re a doula? I WISH I would have had a doula!”

If I only had a dollar for every time I heard this. All. The. Time.

It’s not lost on me that all of those people had their babies without a doula and I’m sure they rocked their births! I don’t think women *need* doulas to birth their babies; I know women and their birth partners love having a doula on their team and that birthing women who have doulas feel strong, confident, relaxed and supported through and through.

When I ask moms why they wish they would have had a doula, they usually say one of the following things:

  • “We wanted to know what to expect at every step”
  • “We wanted someone to stay in the room with us the entire time”
  • “I wanted someone to give my husband breaks when he was tired and overwhelmed”
  • “I wanted constant pressure on my back during contractions but I wanted my partner in my sight, for emotional support”

…these are all things I can do for you as your birth doula. Let’s do this, together.